My greatest announcement and last post. 

I am proud to announce that Uttertoad Comix dot com is now live, and open for business!


This would not have been possible without the supreme generosity and dumbfounding talents of anomalon , a.k.a. unsplit.  I do recommend going to her site and taking a look at her work; it is strangely hypnotic and beautiful.  And then buying something.  She did an amazing job putting everything together.

Now you can all go and buy all those copies of Green Llama you've been pining for.  Because...Christmas is coming.  Yeah.


People still celebrate that, right?

If yo're still hungry to follow me on the LJ, like I've said - you can go to michaelfurious - the only thing that's changed is the address and me.

I decided the best ( and easiest ) thing to do is to start a new LJ, so for those of you still interested in it, I direct you to michaelfurious .

This one has done what I meant it to, and will be wrapping up, as I intend that to be my new 'home' LJ., where I go to check up on friends and talk in general about stuff.

I've also done the math, and all I have to do is sell about a hundred thousand copies of Green Llama to get us back in the black and not fretting for our daily lives.

Add me there, and be added back.  It's still getting built, but it's about ready.  Dead cars and hospitals and cats with vulgarly swollen faces and this headache and my anti-money in the bank and yadda yadda is sort of exploding my ability to get much done.

Sure is a pretty day, though.

Sp now all of a sudden we're trying to sort out the cost of a PET scan, my cat's jaw is suddenly swollen again ( on top of all else that's wrong with her ), my last check went into my account, bringing the balance up to minus thirty dollars, the wife's car has just died, and we're only tow months behind on rent, more or less.


Gah.

...it is a thing which yet again may never come to pass, at the rate things are going.

The first issue is in the bag, more or less ready to launch.

But, and this is an important but, without another couple of issues ready to go with it, it's never going to launch. 

The first issue is the teaser - the FREE issue that's supposed to hook people into grabbing it and checking it out.  It's the issues after the first that are intended to make the money, and without them there's basically no reason to put out the first.
With the fine guy who was coloring it now swamped with real, professional work that pays, the project is suddenly aimed towards limbo.

So what I need is someone with a solid hand at the Photoshop willing to do the work of coloring and converting it to the new format for whatever percentage of margin of profit ever comes of it all.  Damned near nothing, in other words.  At this rate, I'm almost willing to give any share of the profit I'd make to anyone willing, just to sweeten the pot.
They'd have to work for free up front already, that's bad enough.

Yeah, I'm thinking this is pretty well fuckered now too, but I'm not quitting yet.


That said - if anyone out there has some good leads on anyone who's good at Photoshop and also blisteringly insane/desperate, point them my way maybe?


And just for the heck of it - this is where they'll be seen if they are: tasty-pop.com/

Okay then.  Thanks.

No.

Really.

I just got hit by a tornado.

Specifically, south Minneapolis did.  More specifically downtown south Minneapolis, about a block or two away from me.  Not a terribly huge one ( I mean, the cats SLEPT through it ) but it got some trees down on houses, took away some ceilings, and blew the plate glass windows out of the Electric Fetus, where I dropped that resume off a little bit ago.  You know, the record store that's a few hundred feet down the street from us?  That one.  Well, there's only one, but I think you get the point I'm making.

It's sort of a mess out there.


Considering the mood I was in earlier, and how my mood and the weather have conspired together like this before in the past, maybe it's time I was a little more careful about that sort of thing.

Damn.

The sharp eyed ones out there noticed something amiss ( or didn't say anything ) with the last post, I'll bet.  That was being taken care of even before I saw it, but having seen that, I just couldn't NOT share it. 

Especially knowing that I'd be able to post this version soon enough.

So without further ado:



Again, all artwork by Paul Sizer, who is, I think, a wizard of some kind.  I'll prove it to you: http://www.paulsizer.com/

Superthanks, Paul.

So last night my cellphone chirped up, saying I had a message.  It was remnimaat , telling me I should keep an eye on my email.

Turns out he's been plotting away behind my back, that boy.  Plotting with others, no less, in a grand conspiracy to show me just how affecting my ideas are to some people.  Or at least, people who aren't me.

Those of you who are also residents of Warren Ellis's Whitechapel forum will probably recognize is co-perp immediately:




Paul Sizer is one heckuva artist, and you should go see for yourself right now: http://www.paulsizer.com/

Guy's a genius, and a really swell fellow to boot.  And this is not the first time he's so flattered me, either.  But to go out and conspire with another Whitechapel peep to accomplish something like this is sort of above and beyond the call, I'd say. 

Pretty soon you'll be able to go and visit my own website, thanks to the gracious anomalon, for which I'll owe her more than the pittance she has asked me for in return.
It will also most likely be the most black and white website EVER, but that's on me.


If this is the kind of boss shit fans are doing for me now, when I'm a nobody?  I can't imagine what sort of mind jobs await me upon my 'arrival', so to speak.  I imagine being a pro comes with a great deal of surreal moments, in this biz.


Last note - there should be a very official announcement about Green Llama by the end of the month or so.

First off, the basics:

It is absolutely fantastic.  Mind you, this is the opinion of someone who is generally ruthless in his opinions regarding anything projected on a giant screen.  Better than Watchmen, it is.

I went in with expectations of a rather taller sort than I usually do, due just to the voluminous word of mouth ( but seriously, when Wesley Crusher says it rocks - your barometer gets skewed, alright? ) that has abounded in the last week.

For once, that word is the gospel truth.

I SHOULD MENTION NOW THAT MASSIVE SPOILERISHNESS - or close to it anyway - FOLLOWS IN GREAT QUANTITY.  YOU'VE BEEN WARNED, OKAY?  BALLS TO LJ CUTS - JUST SCROLL PAST IT IF YOU'RE NOT WILLING.  YES, I'M BOTH LAZY AND LAME TONIGHT.  IT'S BEEN A LONG, LOUSY WEEK AND IT SHOWS NO SIGNS OF LETTING UP SOON SO JUST FREAKIN' DEAL...

Did I mention that it was pretty fucking well brilliant?  I think I did.

Okay, really, I'm not going to spoil THAT much.  But you WERE warned, just in case.

The new movie OOZES style, grittiness, and humanity.  It really is the tightest thing to happen to Star Trek since...Star Wars, maybe.  It's like they took everything that made the original Star Wars movie such a smash, added a twist of manically genius reset button along with a generous ( yet conservative ) dash of tropes from the original beast, and reinvented the entire franchise in the best and most satisfying manner possible.

Yes, time travel is THE MAJOR facet of the new story, and for once it is executed perfectly.  None of the jumping back and forth and undoing shit that's been done crap.  NO.  It got done, and now it's all about dealing with the new reality that presents.  It is, simply, the best possible way to reboot a franchise of any kind - EVER.  EVER.

The pacing is brilliant - it never once slows down the entire movie.  All the character development and back story are dealt with in a lively and engaging fashion that simultaneously informs those new and yet still manages to titillate the old school fandom, while never once letting up at developing an entirely new vision of the whole cloth.  Never once are you allowed to be bored or overwhelmed with useless story.  Seriously, that a HARD stunt to pull with something as giant as Star Trek.

Actually, that's damned near IMPOSSIBLE.  Yet this made it look EASY!

The actors are entirely believeable and yet manage to remain unique.  Zachary Quinto is a completely convincing Spock, even when confronted ( directly or no ) by Nimoy himself reprising his role as Spock amidst it all.  Which makes PERFECT sense.  Trust me.
Simon Pegg ( brilliant! ) is an entirely entertaining Montgomery Scott. 
Chekov, Sulu, and Uhura all get their moments in the spotlight, in their own ways, each satisfyingly. McCoy aka 'Bones' is probably my favorite.  Really, he just nails the crochety, simple but yet still loyal - perhaps beyond common sense - nature of the beloved doctor.  Even a 'redshirt' gets his usual just desserts, and in the expectedly pitiful yet dashing fashion expected of the expendable cast members.  More so, perhaps.

Everyone hits their stride really, no complaints anywhere on those counts.  Really, wow.  WOW.

Did I mention the freaking WOW?  Because WOW.  And I don't hand out "wow" lightly.

This ain't your daddy's Star Trek, no doubt.  It might actually be BETTER.  If nothing else, it's not LESS.  NOT LESS!

I think it's rather pointless to mention simple mundanities like special effects and so forth - those are up to the usual modern standards.  If I had ANY complaints it would be to lighten up on the 'lens flare' stuff by about fifty percent - but that's really a minor quibble.  Really minor.  Stupid minor, actually.

And, for my money, the only weak spot plot wise is a complaint about one of the sci-fi tropes.  Unexpectedly for me, who usually HATES TIME TRAVEL TROPES WITH A FURIOUS PASSION, it wasn't that one.  NO.  My real fuzzy spot was the mysterious 'redmatter', the mysterious future substance that apparently reacts with normal matter to create singularities - aka black holes.
But whatever.  It's a futury weirdo substance that serves its purpose story wise, and really, does it NEED to be explained any more than, say, warp drive or phasers do?  NO.  You know what it does, and really, that's enough for this.  How far would X-men get if people needed dissertations in genetics/physics?  Right.  You get me on this then.


Yeah.  It really is that good, AND that satisfying.  Even now, I'm a little taken aback by just how...smart the whole is.  I didn't expect that at all.


Whilst the original is left intact entirely, this provides an entirely new Star Trek that not only doesn't detract from the original, but in subtle ways builds on it - makes it palpable and fresh for a new audience.  I keep going on about this, because I have NEVER, in 37 years of living, EVER seen such a seamless yet believeable and original way to renew a previously established continuity.

Finding a way to REALISTICALLY include 'Sabotage' by the Beastie Boys into the ouvre of the Trekverse is to boot hands down genius.

Yeah.  Trust me.


Aw, Hell.  Just go see it, for pity's sake.  You'll see.


You'll see. 

Did you all go out this last Saturday and pick up your bathroom reading for the year? 

I'm gonna slog through the pile and speak my piece on each one.

I'll add here that many publishers seem to have fallen into the preview + catalog jag that really doesn't do the concept of "Free Comic Book" very much justice at all.
Seriously - it's fine to tell people what ELSE you offer -

(by the way - did ANYONE have the foresight to offer an ORDER FORM of any kind in their respective books that peeps could fill out and GIVE to an LCS?  No?  You have ALL dropped the biggest balls of your publishing careers, 'Nuff said. )

                                                                                             -  but the LEAST you could do is actually give them an ENTIRE story with that.  Okay?

Also, if you ARE going to use Free Comic Book Day as a platform to show off your various wares, the least you can do is make sure those are actually ON THE SHELF WHEN IT HAPPENS.  Not a month later, not this summer, not 'soon'.  NOW.  If they can't get it now, they new faces probably won't come back for it later.


All right.  Are you all sitting comfortably?  Then I'll begin.


ALIENS/PREDATOR ( Dark Horse Comics ) 

• The 'Aliens' story - Some thoughtful writing and background actually pulled me in a little, and made me wonder where the story might go from here.
• The 'Predator' story - Man hunted by Predator, man faces Predator, Predator and man both killed by another Predator.  Wait...what?  Made even less likable since the man was only there to kill another man, not a Predator. 

ARCHIE presents: THE MIGHTY ARCHIE ART PLAYERS ( Archie Comics )

• Yeah...sorry, I'm stumped.  Does anyone actually READ these?  The writing is awful kitsch, and the art looks like it was done on toilet paper with a Sharpie marker.
• The movie quiz tucked into this was probably the 'funnest' thing in here.  Sadly, I don't see many kids chomping at the bit to test the limits of their Hollywood trivia.  I know I'm not.

ATOMIC ROBO ( Red 5 Comics )

• The Atomic Robo story - crisp, stylish art and clever, kinetic writing.  A funny, very short but complete, little tale.
• Sadly, I find out that the Atomic Robo story was a VERY little part of it, despite what the cover promises me.  The other two stories aren't even stories - they're again prequels to books that won't see shelves for months.  Ass, ass, ass.
• The 'Drone' prequel is...tasteless?  Kids munching popcorn while they watch a video feed they've hacked into of American remote controlled robots killing Middle Eastern terrorists is just...seriously?  I'm so done with the whole anti-jihad jihad thing I could puke blood.

ATTACK OF THE ALTERNA-ZOMBIES! ( Alterna Comics )

• Jesus Christ and Abraham Lincoln eat psychedelic mushrooms and then go zombie hunting.  Let me repeat that in all caps: JESUS CHRIST AND ABRAHAM LINCOLN EAT PSYCHEDELIC MUSHROOMS AND THEN GO ZOMBIE HUNTING.  You decide.
• Most of the 8 or so tales in this aren't all that pretty, and all were too short to really draw me into any particular tale presented.  All that room should have been used to push fewer stories farther and possibly to have Jesus use even more drugs with Lincoln.

AVENGERS ( Marvel Comics )

• Artwork of the typical high Marvel standards, and a complete story to boot!  Having Spiderman narrate it is a bonus: "Worst Avengers snowball fight ever".
• There's Wolverine fighting ...Wolverine?  WHAT??  Since when was there TWO Wolverines?  Have I gotten a hold of one of Jesus' 'shrooms?  Nope.
• I'd like to point out just how UGLY Osbourne's red, white, and blue Iron Man suit is, but I doubt I have to, right?

BLACKEST NIGHT #0 ( DC Comics )

• Again, the artwork in this isn't all that bad, as I'd well expect from one of the Big Two.
• So, Batman is dead, and Flash is listening to Green Lantern whine and reminisce over his grave.  Then some guy appears to dig up Batman.  Aimless character development and back-story does not a tale make.  I expected a story, and get a weepy flashback instead.  Bravo.
• All the pin-up pages in the back of the various Lanterns, which are some sort of galactic Rainbow Coalition now?  Maybe if they'd used this space to continue the 'story' I'd care more, but this really only confirms my lack of interest in everything DC.  
• But for some reason I want to write a White Lantern story now.

BONGO COMICS FREE-FOR-ALL! ( Bongo Comics )

• If you like the Simpsons, then I'm done explaining this.  I'd argue that the Futurama story in there was a little too little, and probably should've been just skipped entirely.
• Leela done up to look like a cyclopian Marge Simpson is cute though, and probably explains why the Futurama tale was in it at all.

BUCK ROGERS #0 ( Dynamite Entertainment )

• An entire story (sort of) and a few familiar names are dropped, but nothing else I see rings familiar with any incarnation of Buck Rogers I know of, so...it might as well be called Moon Dodger, y'know?  Also, this vignette ends with Buck being sucked away to who knows where - so the impression I'm left with is that if I did pick up the regular book (which again won't hit shelves for over a month at least, thanks...) it will have NOTHING to do with what I've just been shown, which makes the whole thing sort of...irrelevant.
• It says on the cover: ONLY 25 CENTS.  Which, if I've calculated correctly, is about a quarter of a dollar MORE than FREE.  Classy move, guys.

CARTOON PALOOZA #2 ( Ape Entertainment )

• Well...it was free.
• Unfortunately trying to tell me enough about six books using the space of one just isn't enough make me care about any one of them.  I officially have NO IDEA what any of these are really like, or frankly, even about.

COMICS FESTIVAL ( Legion of Evil Press c/o Toronto Comics Festival )

• It's a medly of various talents in one book done RIGHT.  Each story (strips mostly, but...) is what it was meant to be - nothing is getting pimped besides the talent, which is how it should be.  This works because a lot of these are webcomics in real life.  And that's a shame, because they should all be in a regular print antho.  I'd buy that.
• I'm shocked at how much more successful a platform this book seems when contrasted with the other publishers attempts at showing off all their goods in a single book.  Even more so considering that this was printed by a press that ISN'T what you'd probably call an 'official' publisher.  Take heed of that.

CONTRACT #1 ( First Salvo Productions )

• Another 'bad girl' book...sigh.  Look, enormous ta-ta's.  Hoo-ray.  Made worse by being less a story than it is a dinner scene with exposition.  But the characters are flatter than the paper they're printed on.
• Wait, she can cook and loves her daddy.  Maybe she's not really a 'bad-girl'.  I guess she's just 'fiesty'.

CYBER FORCE/HUNTER KILLER: FIRST LOOK ( Top Cow Productions )

• The artwork in this is kinda nifty, if overly stylish.  The story, what there is of it, is really only going to be interesting to people who already know about these characters from the other books they've been in.  That's not going to be me.
• The best part?  You only have to wait until July for this.  Ug.
• Then the last half of the book is all character profiles style text and pin-up dross that again will thrill no one.  NO ONE.

DABEL BROTHERS SHOWCASE ( Dabel Brothers Publishing )

• Okay, if I understand correctly there is no Dabel Brothers aside from the name of the company?  
• Licensed property shlock.  Bland in most ways I can surmise, I'll just back away now, thanks.  The most exciting part is the Star Wars promised on the cover, which turns out to be nothing more than an excerpt from a PRINT book, overlaying the same boring, faded out artwork of Luke holding a lightsaber.  Who wants to open up a comic book and find prose?

DARK HORSE COMICS: FREE COMIC BOOK DAY ( Dark Horse Comics )

• A nice little package of various shorts.  This is how you should pack multiple books into a single package, by giving us self-standing tales that really give you a sense of what the product will be.  Better yet, they are things you could turn around and purchase RIGHT NOW if what you saw appeals to you.  Which reminds me, I got to start collecting Usagi Yojimbo.
• This is also a flip-book, with a nice little Star Wars: Clone Wars story in there.  A COMIC story (Dabel Brothers, I'm looking at you...)

DC KIDS MEGA SAMPLER ( DC Comics )

• I'd say this is the way to go to show off some kids comics.  Nice stuff - I can see kids actually getting into these titles.  As opposed to say...Archie.

EASTMAN and LAIRD'S TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES ( Mirage Publishing )

• I almost fell over when I saw this.  A reprint of the ORIGINAL TMNT #1?  That's seriously old school - I wonder maybe if it's a little TOO old school?  Still, someone could turn around and pick up current issues after seeing this - which is what it is all about.

FCHS ( AdHouse Books )

• Isn't entirely FCHS, since there's a little bit of Remake in there too.  But all in all you get the feel for what the books are about, and that's a success, right?  My only real quibble with this is that FCHS won't be out until FALL.  I get the feeling, again, that people who weren't already waiting for this to come out probably still won't be despite this.

FIST OF JUSTICE #1( Digital Webbing Press )

• Well, it's a comic book, I'll give it that.  Moving on.

GOLD DIGGER # 101 ( Antarctic Press )

• While I've never been particularly thrilled with the whole pseudo-manga anthropromorphic thing, this is again what people should get on Free Comic Book Day - a FREE comic.  It's also a nice way to bring new readers into an existing book.

IMPACT UNIVERSITY ( F+W Media )

• Did anyone BUT me notice that Bryan Hitch snuck a naked lady into the artwork on page 31?  Dude!
• This otherwise isn't a comic book at all, of course. 
• But I mean, there's a NAKED LADY in it!  And since she was drawn by Hitch, you know she LOOKS like a woman should look.

LOVE AND CAPES #10 ( Maerkle Press )

• This one surprised me a bit.  The art is stylish, but tight and very readable.  The writing is solid and the story is good.  It's an entire issue, too. 
• Seriously, this is what Free Comic Book Day should be all about - I think I'm actually going to go and look for this.  It's...really good. 

LOVE AND ROCKETS ( Fantagraphic Books )

• I think this speaks for itself, so I'll just move on.

MERCYSPARX: UNDER NEW MANAGEMENT ( Devil's Due Publishing )

• Interesting.  Another bad girl book, which tends towards the yawn end of the reading spectrum, but the writing isn't pure crap like these usually have, and the art is more than a series of T and A shots culled from girlie mags. 
• Also again, someone had the good sense to understand that Free Comic Bok Day should be about giving away an entire comic. 

NANCY/MELVIN MONSTER ( Drawn & Quarterly Books )

• These are collections of reprints of old newpaper strips (I think), and so basically a primer for those collectons D&Q will be publishing LATER this year.
• Oddly, there's an ad for a Little Lulu collection, which is a...Dark Horse book?  That's seems a little bit like putting a Superman ad in an X-men book, but okay...

OWLY AND FRIENDS ( Top Shelf Productions )

• The second anthology to do it right so far, after Comics Festival.  These are delightful little comics.
• Better yet, this one is perfect for kids - and really, Free Comic Book Day is about that even more than even comics, I'd think, because without them there are no comics. (Before anyone points out that comics can be for adults too, I'd like to counter by saying all those kids are future adults and if you hook them now they'll be there later.  Marginalize the kiddies at your own risk.)

RADICAL ( Radical Comics )

• All I can say is that this is a total piece of crap.  Sorry.  Some of the painted artwork is pretty, but don't pick it up with reading even an excerpt in mind.  There are writers credited, and some recognizable names at that, but...you'll have to take their word for it.  They give you NOTHING.
• This is the WORST possible way to attract READERS.  By giving them NOTHING TO READ.

RESURRECTION ( Oni Press )

• Who doesn't love a good Tek Jansen back-up feature?
• The gist of this is interesting, and overall I'd say it's not too bad.  Interesting enough from what's seen to make me curious, and out now so if I were able I could IMMEDIATELY satisfy that.  That's doing it right, which I rather expected from Oni anyway.

SAVAGE DRAGON #148 ( Image Comics )

• Another 'where we've been' issue (remember Contract?) that turns into:
• Introducing...Daredevil?  This seems sort of a 'flipping of the bird' at Marvel, by way of digging up an old character with that name whose rights have gone public.  The little essay at the end of the book is a nice bit of history however, if a bit...political.  Anyway.
• The old timey ad on the back cover is just the bomb.  Fun.  This is what I remember best about Savage Dragon - it didn't take itself seriously.  And I kind of want to clip it and mail it in just to see what happens.

SHONEN JUMP SPECIAL ( Viz Media )

• Seems to be a preview vehicle for a Stan Lee written manga called "Ultimo"?  ...'kay.
• It also seems to be nigh unreadable.  
• BUT WAIT!  IN THE BACK!!  A FORM TO FILL OUT AND GIVE TO YOUR LOCAL LCS!!!  YES! YES! YES!  Your official winners.

TRANSFORMERS ANIMATED/G.I. JOE ( IDW Publishing )

• I'll just say it's a little weird to see G.I. Joe all growed up and killing folk.
• Oh, and that the comic adaptation of that AWFUL Transformers cartoon looks much nicer than the original animated source from which it sprang.  Written better, too.  Go fig.

WARHAMMER ONLINE: PRELUDE TO WAR ( Boom Studios/Mythic Entertainment )

• This is interesting, but I wonder how many people not already into Warhammer will get into this, and how many people already playing it are going to back away from the keyboard long enough to go find and slog through this. 
• It's not great, by the way.  In fact, it's barely even good, really.  Especially if you're NOT already into Warhammer.

WILLIAM SHATNER PRESENTS ( Bluewater Productions )

• Seriously, I just threw this at the cat without even looking at it..  She'll get much more out of it than I will.

WOLVERINE: ORIGIN OF AN X-MAN ( Marvel Comics )

• "Take THAT, ya ugly alien robot seahorse thing!"  No, really - they made Logan say that.  For reals.
• It is at least an entire comic book.
• There's a manga-esque look to this that sort of makes Wolverine look like a really hirsute 14 year old, which I don't tend to associate very much with any other Wolverine book I've seen.  It's a little tamer than those, too.  All in all, that seems a touch deceptive.

WORLDS OF ASPEN ( Aspen Comics )

• Let me be frank - Michael Turner didn't really draw women all that well.  People less talented than he was trying to draw women like he did isn't a good idea.
• This book suffers from the same malady many of these do - a bunch of peeks at various different books, none of which really reveals enough to generate your interest.  Also, many of them are again not going to be on the shelves for a while. 

WORLD OF CARS: THE ROOKIE ( Boom Studios/Disney/Pixar )

• This is...possibly enjoyable by kids.  Probably not.  It's just not done that well, sorry.  The few of pages of "The Incredibles" that follow it are more compelling.
• The real head scratcher is reducing the "Muppet Show" comic to a single page ad.  What?  This book was the really selling and one of the most critically acclaimed floppy on the shelves just a short while ago.  If you'd really wanted to catch peoples eyes and turn them towards your product, you SHOULD have just done a reprint of THAT.  THAT would catch parents and kids eyes alike.  Face it guys, you just sort of blew it on this.